“Those People: The Manipulator”
How many of us know that person who always like to have control of your life? They always assert themselves into your life with how they would do it better…and it’s always all about them. They make you think you are really making a difference when they are really working to their own end. Manipulators aren’t always easy to spot but eventually the bending breaks and the truth comes out. We’ve all been the manipulator one way or the other in our life, but we were made for more! How do we break the power of manipulation in our lives? We have to recognize the way of the Manipulator!
- Manipulators FLATTER (Luke 7:36)
- Jesus has started His public ministry turning water to wine and healing the broken. This made Him so famous in His time that He would have crowds of people following Him just to touch the hem of His robe to be healed! And now…the “cool kids” Pharisees want to be a part of the story and share in the fame. They finally invite him to one of their houses to dinner to try and flatter Him with how “holy” they are.
- In our life we can live this way too! We have people in our life that wear all of the flash, take the perfect pictures of life and seem to have it all together…when really none of us do. The manipulators in our life like to flatter us with everything they have so that we overlook their brokenness (all while judging us for our brokenness).
- Manipulators GUILT (Luke 7:37-39)
- Jesus knows what the people are saying while this woman is at the table. He hears the whispers and sees the looks. Yet, instead of immediately responding to the “dirty sinful woman” and calling out her sins in front of everyone…He continues to take this moment for this woman’s brokenness to be healed (and the crazy part is she was preparing Him to go to the Cross without realizing it). The Pharisees are trying to guilt Jesus into not paying attention to this woman and instead on them alone.
- The Manipulator in our life will always try to guilt us into doing things we know aren’t the right thing. They may not necessarily be bad things, they just aren’t the best thing for us. Manipulators will often use all of the “good” they have done to rope you into to doing something bad for them…without them taking the fall for it!
- Manipulators THREAT (Luke 7:40-50)
- Jesus tells the woman she has been forgiven of her sins and that she can go in peace. The Pharisees are appalled…because only God can forgive sins. And anyone who says they are God should be stoned to death. The story ends with Jesus breaking through the noise of the manipulators (to a former manipulator in the woman who instead lays all of that at Jesus’ feet) and setting the woman free from her shame.
- The Manipulator in our life will threaten us with our very life. They will make us feel like we should regret every move we ever made & that each move we make to the better is a move against them. Anything that hurts their standing or doesn’t make them look better is not anything they want to be a part of…and if any one threatens that they are willing to kill relationships for!
The thing about the manipulator is that we’ve all been that person (and may still struggle with it); however, the Manipulator can be in the presence of God and miss out on the relationship with God (because they refuse to relinquish control). The woman in this story relinquishes control of all she has to Jesus…the Pharisees try to exercise control over Jesus. May we always relinquish control to Jesus instead of trying to control what He wants to do in our lives!
Take Away
Which of the three common tactics of manipulators are most effective on you: flattery, threats, or guilt? Why are they so effective?
Why do you think manipulative people are such a common problem for most people?
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Tyler West 